(Source: effin-ana, via alohisha)

(Source: thisistheskinnylife, via handsthattremble)

(via fuckyoumia)

(via alohisha)

i barely ate today. i had the tiniest slice of banoffee pie at 11am… some chocolate at 4 or so, and then nothing else. 

i rode my bike up a mountain. i rode it down again and the breaks broke. 

i was so dizzy when i got to the bike shop (where i was going anyway) that i couldn’t work on my bike because i felt like i was going to pass out. 

i got my friend to drive me home. i could barely focus on his face when he was asking me how much i ate, noting his observations that i rarely eat, and telling me that i need to eat small meals all day. i was clinging to a workbench counter to stay on my feet and his face was still swimming in my vision. 

i had some lemonade that i made when i got home. 

my stomach is angry with me. 

i… don’t care. i can stand it. i think. 

…maybe, i’ll have more lemonade. 

if i can walk to the kitchen without falling over. 

and people wonder why i’m faint from hunger all the time…

(via eightfuckingmonths-deactivated2)

giellelovee:

i know i said some things yesterday in my pregnant hormonal rage anger when all that BS came out about Austin. but that was dumb of me, and immature. for that, i deeply, deeply apologize. thats not in my usual character, especially to do that to someone who is my family. i know all of you have…

this amazing woman is my inspiration in so many ways. 

(via alohisha)

last night, i told one of my roommates that i couldn’t wait to get back home so that i could just stop eating again. we both started crying and she told me i wasn’t fat and that it didn’t matter what anyone else thought. all i kept saying was that i just want to be skinny. she doesn’t understand. 

i wouldn’t give a shit if anyone thought i was fat or thin. 

it isn’t about them. 

i don’t hate my body because anyone has ever said, oh… look at the fatass. which they haven’t. 

i hate my body because it isn’t how i want it to look. and there is nothing you can do but change if you hate yourself.